i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize