you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
