what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
