he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
PANTIES FOUND
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