Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had to cum in my sink.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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