this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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