dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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