last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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