she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
