I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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