The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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