Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
