ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
