I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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