If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
