Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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