I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everyone says I win the strip club
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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