belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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