barbara walters just said penis...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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