How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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