I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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