Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
