I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
