i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is classic penis vs brain.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
