i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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