I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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