just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
