You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
