remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
