I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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