hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
