New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
