May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
