I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
