Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
