Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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