when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
