Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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