If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
