I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
