ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
