sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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