i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
