the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
