did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
