Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
