we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize