At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
