so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
