I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
