Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
