Are we in a gay sports bar?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
