We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
