I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
