he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize