Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
