the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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