Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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