im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
