You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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