Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
