Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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