Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
