**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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