I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
