farters have to be the big spoon...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
