to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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