Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
