we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize