Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
