you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
