just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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