he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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