somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
