my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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