You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
