Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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