cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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