i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
