I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
