The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
