Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
