Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
