Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
NoShamevember. You game?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
