if you like me you must not know who I am
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
