Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
