look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
