why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
