I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
