Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize