the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
