im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
