So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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