i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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