she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
