it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
