Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
