college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
