I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
