I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
