they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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