She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
