she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
