The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
