I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
