I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
