Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize