It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
