So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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