put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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