Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
MIDGETS
????
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
