I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
