In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
