Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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