i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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