oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize